I was wearing a long lavender dress that I kept tripping over. “You look like a Disney princess,” Ernest said, in a tone that made it clear it wasn’t a compliment. Across the table, another classmate was telling us about his knife collection and the many exotic birds he owned and let roam freely throughout his house.
I feel this! I am on week 10 of sobreity. 95% of the time I feel great, 5% of the time I'm in social situations where I can't hide my resting b*tch face. That part sucks. I need to work on finding the right environment in the first place.
Having a great time at my cousin's wedding and ripping up the dance floor while completely sober was a highlight.
This is amazing to hear Lane - and I love all those quotes on the importance of awareness for writers. Before I quit drinking, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to write anymore because I linked alcohol and creativity. But I decided that getting sober was more important to me than writing, so I accepted that. Of course, I've written far more and much, much better work since getting sober!
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve never felt more powerful and ALIVE than all of the times I’ve soberly accessed and embraced the bubbly / fun / outgoing parts of my personality that I previously relied on alcohol to unlock ✨ beautiful essay!
1. My brain is way more alive. I think clearly in a consistent manner throughout the day, week, etc. It's hard to describe the blunting effect that you feel from drinks.
2. I'm adjusting to experiencing situations without alcohol - something that will take time (months, if not longer). You develop muscle memory to do things with the help of alcohol. So, not having that influence means relearning how to behave and do some of those things. And, you might find that bringing new experiences and dumping old troublesome habits works too.
As a tightly wound introvert, booze was a magical elixir. I was funnier (I thought), more tolerant of people (until I wasn't) and it numbed away so much self-doubt, guilt and anxiety any given day (for a period). When it stopped working for me, it was like smashing into a brick wall at 100 mph. I'm uncomfortable with my raw feelings some days after 5 years of sobriety but I'll take it over the alternative. Also, fortunately, I don't have many people ask me today why I don't drink but it can happen and it's tricky to navigate on occasion (for example on a date with someone who drinks "normally"). When I was on dating apps a year ago, I very clearly stated I don't drink yet multiple women still acted surprised when we met up in person.
I love this essay, Lane. I wrote a similar one. It sounds like we've both distanced ourselves from alcohol on a pretty parallel paths. Considering when you posted this, I think you're a little ahead of me, but it'll be nine months on the 13th for me. Fourteen if I can forget all about last summer, but I think the short veer off course did me good.
Such a great read. This reminds me of Gorgias, where Socrates draws an analogy using two men and their casks. One man has sturdy, full casks containing various liquids like wine, honey, and milk. Filling these casks is hard and the sources are limited, but once full, they require no further attention. The other man also gathers liquids, but his containers are faulty and constantly leak. He must tirelessly work to fill them, and any pause brings him great distress. And finally, the key question, which your piece answers, "Would you say that the life of the intemperate is happier than that of the temperate?"
Yes! Being curious, attentive, and alert to the world is such a big part of my work as a writer. When I realized alcohol was turning off that part of my brain, quitting became the clear choice. It looks like you're also a writer (👋) so I love that this line in particular resonated with you.
I am sober curious for those very same reasons. I have been thinking about “quitting” for a while simply bc of the brain space moderating takes up. My few months stints have been super helpful
Yes, this! I'm an "abstainer" not a "moderator" for the same reason. (I think I got that language from Gretchen Rubin's research on habit formation.) For me, it's easier to give things a blanket NO than agonize over the back and forth. Cheering you on!
"Over it" is the perfect way to put it. I really love learning about wine and the science/art behind it, but I imagine it gets old — especially if you're interested in drinking less or not at all. At a certain point, of course you're ready for something different. I hope something new and fun is coming for you in 2024!
Wine for me has always been about culture, history, agriculture, and geology. But I'm just over it. A career change is difficult at my age but I'm looking into it.
Need an essay about the HS reunion, stat!
WAY AHEAD OF YOU. Here's an excerpt:
I was wearing a long lavender dress that I kept tripping over. “You look like a Disney princess,” Ernest said, in a tone that made it clear it wasn’t a compliment. Across the table, another classmate was telling us about his knife collection and the many exotic birds he owned and let roam freely throughout his house.
I feel this! I am on week 10 of sobreity. 95% of the time I feel great, 5% of the time I'm in social situations where I can't hide my resting b*tch face. That part sucks. I need to work on finding the right environment in the first place.
Having a great time at my cousin's wedding and ripping up the dance floor while completely sober was a highlight.
Love all those quotes about paying attention in writing. ✍🏼
This is amazing to hear Lane - and I love all those quotes on the importance of awareness for writers. Before I quit drinking, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to write anymore because I linked alcohol and creativity. But I decided that getting sober was more important to me than writing, so I accepted that. Of course, I've written far more and much, much better work since getting sober!
By far the most full, fun, and creatively nourishing year of my life. 🥲 So happy to hear you had the same experience. Cheers!
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve never felt more powerful and ALIVE than all of the times I’ve soberly accessed and embraced the bubbly / fun / outgoing parts of my personality that I previously relied on alcohol to unlock ✨ beautiful essay!
Thank you, Sophia!
this is beautiful, inspiring and true. Thank you!
Thank you for reading!
Great piece by @Lane Scott Jones .
My quit experience has some similarities:
1. My brain is way more alive. I think clearly in a consistent manner throughout the day, week, etc. It's hard to describe the blunting effect that you feel from drinks.
2. I'm adjusting to experiencing situations without alcohol - something that will take time (months, if not longer). You develop muscle memory to do things with the help of alcohol. So, not having that influence means relearning how to behave and do some of those things. And, you might find that bringing new experiences and dumping old troublesome habits works too.
I resonate so much with all of this. Such a beautiful piece about all the parts of us that sobriety resuscitates.
I came back to writing in my 4th year of sobriety. It feels like a game changer. This deep attention.
I, too, am a “keener observer of the world” now. My only regret is that I didn’t quit sooner.
Thanks for writing this 🙏🏼
Thank you for reading, Allison! I love this reflection so much, especially that word "resuscitates." Wow. Congrats on four years. 💞
As a tightly wound introvert, booze was a magical elixir. I was funnier (I thought), more tolerant of people (until I wasn't) and it numbed away so much self-doubt, guilt and anxiety any given day (for a period). When it stopped working for me, it was like smashing into a brick wall at 100 mph. I'm uncomfortable with my raw feelings some days after 5 years of sobriety but I'll take it over the alternative. Also, fortunately, I don't have many people ask me today why I don't drink but it can happen and it's tricky to navigate on occasion (for example on a date with someone who drinks "normally"). When I was on dating apps a year ago, I very clearly stated I don't drink yet multiple women still acted surprised when we met up in person.
I love this essay, Lane. I wrote a similar one. It sounds like we've both distanced ourselves from alcohol on a pretty parallel paths. Considering when you posted this, I think you're a little ahead of me, but it'll be nine months on the 13th for me. Fourteen if I can forget all about last summer, but I think the short veer off course did me good.
Such a great read. This reminds me of Gorgias, where Socrates draws an analogy using two men and their casks. One man has sturdy, full casks containing various liquids like wine, honey, and milk. Filling these casks is hard and the sources are limited, but once full, they require no further attention. The other man also gathers liquids, but his containers are faulty and constantly leak. He must tirelessly work to fill them, and any pause brings him great distress. And finally, the key question, which your piece answers, "Would you say that the life of the intemperate is happier than that of the temperate?"
Thank you for writing this. :)
This is everything I think about everyday! Thank you so much for writing this. I hope I will get to that place soon!
I’m so glad it resonated. Rooting for you!
I loved this line: 'Choosing curiosity and attention over numbness and distraction.' That's one true sentence.
Yes! Being curious, attentive, and alert to the world is such a big part of my work as a writer. When I realized alcohol was turning off that part of my brain, quitting became the clear choice. It looks like you're also a writer (👋) so I love that this line in particular resonated with you.
Hi Lane, yes, I'm also a writer. Lovely to meet a writerly friend. I read an essay of yours on Longreads recently, well done, beautifully written.
I am sober curious for those very same reasons. I have been thinking about “quitting” for a while simply bc of the brain space moderating takes up. My few months stints have been super helpful
Yes, this! I'm an "abstainer" not a "moderator" for the same reason. (I think I got that language from Gretchen Rubin's research on habit formation.) For me, it's easier to give things a blanket NO than agonize over the back and forth. Cheering you on!
I feel everything about this. And I work in wine tourism and write about wine and I am just so over it.
"Over it" is the perfect way to put it. I really love learning about wine and the science/art behind it, but I imagine it gets old — especially if you're interested in drinking less or not at all. At a certain point, of course you're ready for something different. I hope something new and fun is coming for you in 2024!
Wine for me has always been about culture, history, agriculture, and geology. But I'm just over it. A career change is difficult at my age but I'm looking into it.