Love this. I am not at all childfree (I just had my first child and it's something I've always wanted) but I wish it wasn't so binary! I want to join the MP group and listen! I love childfree stories and wish more were modeled in our culture.
Thanks for reading, Kendall! Completely agree. The biggest value of the group has just been exposure to all these other lifestyles that I don't often see in the mainstream — gotta see it to be it! We've talked about a version of the group that's open to all people (parents and not) to have honest conversations and break down the binary between these two groups. 👀 Because no matter your choice, it's never perfectly black and white. I'll share more as the idea evolves!
I write about being childfree, too, and really lament how our "groups" are often pitted against each other. I hope we can turn a corner one day. We're all on the same team -- choosing how we want to live our lives, with our without children.
Brilliant, beautiful, and so very necessary. On behalf of all of the child free by choice women out there, thank you for normalizing and celebrating the conversation! So very proud of you, Sarah and Tarri, and all of us. And please please PLEASE VOTE!!!!
Thank you for sharing this!! I’m also child free and perfectly fit the description of The Realist. There are simply not enough resources available and too much healing work I still need to do to feel fulfilled ❤️ plus, I’m excited to have space to love on my friends’ kids and support my community as we all age.
Thanks for reading, Jordan! I love those archetypes and it's cool to hear you relate to that one. Big +1 to freeing up time and space for nurturing community, chosen family, and the children in our lives. 🫶
Kaus, I'm so incredibly happy to hear that. 🥲 I felt the exact same way when I found a community of other people thinking and talking about the same things I was. What a relief, right? So glad you're here. 💞
I’ve enjoyed your newsletter since I loved your story at Ten x 9 and seeing this brings me the utmost joy because Tarri is my very dear friend and I love her and Sarah’s show! (I was there the first night but missed the panel discussion, alas) This intersection feels like kismet 💖
Beautifully written and well documented account of your experience! I have two kids and this life is certainly not for everyone. It is equally beautiful to celebrate a different chosen path! Thank you for sharing, Lane!
Yes, yes, yes! There are so many of us out there. No idea if it's still in print, but this book helped me unpack this when I was younger: Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids (link below).
Wonderful! I imagine that would be a very moving exhibit. I do want kids and sometimes I feel weird about admitting that to others. And since I can’t have them for now, I’ve also been seeking out stories of women who live very full lives without children to give myself the assurance that I will be ok no matter what happens. Glad you found such a healthy community for yourself.
Thank you, Brenna! I love that you know that about yourself *and* that you are also letting yourself explore and enjoy this current season. The more lives we have modeled, the more we expand our imagination about what's possible and can better understand what we actually want for ourselves. 🩷 Cheering you on!
I love this! I've never wanted kids - would love to join the group.
I work in climate and a lot of people ask me whether, knowing what I do about our future, I want to have kids. I always have to explain that I've *never* wanted kids, even before I knew what I do now - but that watching other people have kids brings me a lot of joy
I’ve enjoyed your newsletter since I loved your story at Ten x 9 and this brings me the utmost delight because Tarri is my very dear friend and I love her and Sarah’s show! (I was at the first night but missed the panel discussion, alas) This intersection feels like kismet 💖
Thank you so much for these words. So much of this resonated so deeply with me and my choice to be childfree, the journey I have been on to reconcile my identity with what I have been raised to believe and the way society has made me feel like I am wrong in my decisions for myself. I would very much love to join the Marco Polo group and be part of a community of women where I would finally belong.
Gosh, does the Nurturer archetype make me feel seen. I don’t know that I’m exactly child-free by choice, although I choose to remain this way, so call it what you want to. I always figured I’d have kids, always wanted to—but I also decided when I was 11 that if I didn’t have kids by 38, I didn’t want them. (That’s how old my mom was when my baby brother was born. It did not look fun.) As I approached that milestone, I was pleased to find that I meant what I’d said. Five years later at 43, I love being a childless cat lady—and I love caring for the people in my life, young ones and otherwise.
The Nurturer is one of my favorites! It perfectly captures how the necessary, powerful act of nurturing exists in so many forms outside of motherhood. I just became an aunt for the first time, and it has me thinking about all the ways that kids need trusted adults (people other than their own parents) to help guide, shape, and support them. It takes a village, y'all.
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience! ❤️
I love this so much, especially as someone who’s chosen not to have children! 👏🏼❤️
See you in Marco Polo 😉
Love this. I am not at all childfree (I just had my first child and it's something I've always wanted) but I wish it wasn't so binary! I want to join the MP group and listen! I love childfree stories and wish more were modeled in our culture.
Thanks for reading, Kendall! Completely agree. The biggest value of the group has just been exposure to all these other lifestyles that I don't often see in the mainstream — gotta see it to be it! We've talked about a version of the group that's open to all people (parents and not) to have honest conversations and break down the binary between these two groups. 👀 Because no matter your choice, it's never perfectly black and white. I'll share more as the idea evolves!
As a mother of two, I agree! Wish it wasn’t so binary and am also totally fascinated to hear all the stories!
I write about being childfree, too, and really lament how our "groups" are often pitted against each other. I hope we can turn a corner one day. We're all on the same team -- choosing how we want to live our lives, with our without children.
Brilliant, beautiful, and so very necessary. On behalf of all of the child free by choice women out there, thank you for normalizing and celebrating the conversation! So very proud of you, Sarah and Tarri, and all of us. And please please PLEASE VOTE!!!!
🫶🫶🫶
Thank you for sharing this!! I’m also child free and perfectly fit the description of The Realist. There are simply not enough resources available and too much healing work I still need to do to feel fulfilled ❤️ plus, I’m excited to have space to love on my friends’ kids and support my community as we all age.
Thanks for reading, Jordan! I love those archetypes and it's cool to hear you relate to that one. Big +1 to freeing up time and space for nurturing community, chosen family, and the children in our lives. 🫶
Thank you for sharing this Lane
Oh, tears rolled down my cheek as I read this. I never felt so heard in someone else’s words. Oh beautiful person, thank you for sharing this.
Kaus, I'm so incredibly happy to hear that. 🥲 I felt the exact same way when I found a community of other people thinking and talking about the same things I was. What a relief, right? So glad you're here. 💞
Thank you so very much for this - I finally feel seen. x
I’ve enjoyed your newsletter since I loved your story at Ten x 9 and seeing this brings me the utmost joy because Tarri is my very dear friend and I love her and Sarah’s show! (I was there the first night but missed the panel discussion, alas) This intersection feels like kismet 💖
Beautifully written and well documented account of your experience! I have two kids and this life is certainly not for everyone. It is equally beautiful to celebrate a different chosen path! Thank you for sharing, Lane!
Thanks for reading, Chelsea! 💞
Yes, yes, yes! There are so many of us out there. No idea if it's still in print, but this book helped me unpack this when I was younger: Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids (link below).
https://bookshop.org/p/books/selfish-shallow-and-self-absorbed-lib-e-sixteen-writers-on-the-decision-not-to-have-kids-meghan-daum/16648947?ean=9781250081643
It sure is — the Letters group read it together as part of our book club!
Wonderful! I imagine that would be a very moving exhibit. I do want kids and sometimes I feel weird about admitting that to others. And since I can’t have them for now, I’ve also been seeking out stories of women who live very full lives without children to give myself the assurance that I will be ok no matter what happens. Glad you found such a healthy community for yourself.
Thank you, Brenna! I love that you know that about yourself *and* that you are also letting yourself explore and enjoy this current season. The more lives we have modeled, the more we expand our imagination about what's possible and can better understand what we actually want for ourselves. 🩷 Cheering you on!
I love this! I've never wanted kids - would love to join the group.
I work in climate and a lot of people ask me whether, knowing what I do about our future, I want to have kids. I always have to explain that I've *never* wanted kids, even before I knew what I do now - but that watching other people have kids brings me a lot of joy
I’ve enjoyed your newsletter since I loved your story at Ten x 9 and this brings me the utmost delight because Tarri is my very dear friend and I love her and Sarah’s show! (I was at the first night but missed the panel discussion, alas) This intersection feels like kismet 💖
Thank you so much, Rebecca! I love Nashville's creative community and all the overlap. What a magical place. ✨
Thank you so much for these words. So much of this resonated so deeply with me and my choice to be childfree, the journey I have been on to reconcile my identity with what I have been raised to believe and the way society has made me feel like I am wrong in my decisions for myself. I would very much love to join the Marco Polo group and be part of a community of women where I would finally belong.
So glad this resonated! We'd love to have you in the group. Message me here and I'll share the link with you. 🥰
Gosh, does the Nurturer archetype make me feel seen. I don’t know that I’m exactly child-free by choice, although I choose to remain this way, so call it what you want to. I always figured I’d have kids, always wanted to—but I also decided when I was 11 that if I didn’t have kids by 38, I didn’t want them. (That’s how old my mom was when my baby brother was born. It did not look fun.) As I approached that milestone, I was pleased to find that I meant what I’d said. Five years later at 43, I love being a childless cat lady—and I love caring for the people in my life, young ones and otherwise.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
The Nurturer is one of my favorites! It perfectly captures how the necessary, powerful act of nurturing exists in so many forms outside of motherhood. I just became an aunt for the first time, and it has me thinking about all the ways that kids need trusted adults (people other than their own parents) to help guide, shape, and support them. It takes a village, y'all.
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience! ❤️