I did a “dry January” off all social media earlier this year and after going through withdrawals (crazy) I noticed less anxiety and more mindfulness of the present.
What hurt, though, was that despite being someone who was very active on social as a creator, only one single person reached out to ask if I was ok after weeks of sudden social silence.
It made me realize how these supposed friends on social who are constantly watching my stories but never interacting with me didn’t even have the excuse that they were feeling connected by watching my stories when I was off for the month.
So as long as you’re actually keeping in touch in real life, social media isn’t as important (unless it means less support for your content creating friends).
But, in my experience, people have become incredibly lazy in maintaining deep relationships and removing social reduces the last bit of exposure many people have to feeling connected.
Oh, I love the idea of a "dry January" from social media. You're spot on about the ways social media has made it easy for us to be passive about nurturing relationships. The times when I've deactivated, my social life has felt a lot quieter, and it's really challenged me to think about the ways I've been actively (vs. passively) maintaining those connections. That's the hard work, but also the more rewarding relationships. Hope you find a good balance!
I mute pretty much everyone and IT IS SO FREEING! It forces me to be more intentional in my friendships and less dependent on a device to feel tapped into my community. It definitely has felt a little isolating at times – feeling out of the loop on some things but overall it has been sooooo good for me and shifting my relationship to my phone
Friends' stories was the only thing holding me back from deactivating Instagram a couple of months ago. The solution for me to feel okay with it was that I created a discord server and invited all my close pals, their partners and mine, my sister, really whoever I enjoyed keeping in touch with. Not everyone I invited wanted to add a new app and join, but most did! It's been amazing - a place to post updates that don't need to be immediately read and also don't disappear: pet and baby pics, memes, news, organized into different channels. Unhinged custom emojis, games, and voice channels enhance the space. Anyway, Lane, what a great read, bravo!
A discord server!! This is amazing, wow. My actual favorite app (which I vaguely mentioned in the piece) is Marco Polo for private video messages with various friend groups. It's so much more intimate than stories but it keeps me updated on their lives in real-time, which is so special. Especially when I'm traveling—it's been a game-changer. Adding your example to my running list of inventive ways people are nurturing their relationships. Thanks for reading, Jen!
Social media has been deleted on my phone and it feels great. I have read so many more books recently. I'm trying to focus on less consumption more creation!! So far it's going great. I finally finished Intermezzo, which took me 4 months to read because I was so sick of Peter's train of thought haha.
CRAZY that you left social media for two months and your friend won a MILLION DOLLARS. my head is spinning on that one.
The correlation between reducing social media time and books read is crazy. I'm so glad, I missed having reading as my go-to downtime activity! Good to be back.
Also, I know re: the million dollars. Honestly crazy that none of our mutual friends even texted me about that??? Bring back gossip.
An intelligent solution to a modern problem. Thank you for writing this. I am making space for a long form project, too. X is gone, FB deactivated & deleted and so is my ig page dedicated to street photography. I am not sure i will keep my remaining IG page; you can tell because i recently deleted all but a few posts on that one. I actually don’t see the point anymore- life is for living and connecting and increasingly for me its about thinking and writing .
I don’t use Instagram, I can’t be considered your friend by any stretch of the imagination, and I (too many _I_s already, aren’t there?) only got notified about this post because I’m subscribed to your blog. Did you mute _me_? This reads like another huge flirt–tease (<https://lanescottjones.substack.com/p/yes-im-flirting-with-you>).
I deactivated my personal IG. I'm hoping I'm about to turn a corner with the withdrawal sickness. Didn't even realize I had become addicted to the synthetic connection.
I had to take a similar step back from social media in 2021 after I started DREAMING IN INSTAGRAM STORIES. I’d wake up so overwhelmed every morning 🫠 you’ve put into words everything I felt during that time!
DREAMING IN STORIES!! Hannah, omg. That's too real.
Overwhelmed is definitely the word. My brain was LOUD. We're simply not meant to be inundated with that much information at once. I love the little snippets I've heard from you about how you renegotiated your relationship with social media (and I'd love to hear more). Glad you found some peace and quiet.
I deleted instagram in 2021 and I am so much happier because of it. but I do miss so many updates from my friends. it's hard! i love the year of longform - stealing that!
I wish I did! I tried to get marco polo to catch on but that ended up feeling like another little app I needed to check and respond to...I share photo dumps via text and ask for the same back but mostly I just have to be okay being out of the loop. the people who care will call me.
This was so wonderful and comforting and inspiring! I said that 2025 is my year of community, and your year of long form relates to that, in the way you explain. But now I think I’ll change it to “community IRL.” Thank you for this!!🩷
I love love love that you said "comforting." That means so much to me. You're right that media consumption + making/maintaining deep and meaningful connections go hand-in-hand. Cheers for your Year of Community IRL! Just followed you to stay posted on how that goes.
I love this! I’d have to look up the episode number, but in the last year Glennon did a podcast about this and had a guest on to talk about the grief and acceptance of missing things in your friends’ lives when you quit social media. It gave me so much to think about, a lot of which you touch on here.
The grief of missing things, yes! It's a strange kind of sadness but a real one nonetheless. I've been re-reading Oliver Burkeman lately to remind myself that I simply cannot do/consume it all, which means I have to make trade-offs. They can be intentional (muting, in this case) or passive (having my attention indiscriminately sucked away) but there's always a sacrifice to be made.
Great piece.
I have mixed feelings on this.
I did a “dry January” off all social media earlier this year and after going through withdrawals (crazy) I noticed less anxiety and more mindfulness of the present.
What hurt, though, was that despite being someone who was very active on social as a creator, only one single person reached out to ask if I was ok after weeks of sudden social silence.
It made me realize how these supposed friends on social who are constantly watching my stories but never interacting with me didn’t even have the excuse that they were feeling connected by watching my stories when I was off for the month.
So as long as you’re actually keeping in touch in real life, social media isn’t as important (unless it means less support for your content creating friends).
But, in my experience, people have become incredibly lazy in maintaining deep relationships and removing social reduces the last bit of exposure many people have to feeling connected.
Oh, I love the idea of a "dry January" from social media. You're spot on about the ways social media has made it easy for us to be passive about nurturing relationships. The times when I've deactivated, my social life has felt a lot quieter, and it's really challenged me to think about the ways I've been actively (vs. passively) maintaining those connections. That's the hard work, but also the more rewarding relationships. Hope you find a good balance!
Glad you didn’t unSubstack!
It’s a pleasure to be muted by you!!! 😌
An act of love! xoxo
We will be in Nash Sunday Evening. Would love to see you at Winn’s place.
I mute pretty much everyone and IT IS SO FREEING! It forces me to be more intentional in my friendships and less dependent on a device to feel tapped into my community. It definitely has felt a little isolating at times – feeling out of the loop on some things but overall it has been sooooo good for me and shifting my relationship to my phone
Yes, this exactly! It's honestly made social media so much more boring for me (in a good way) and caused me to divert my attention elsewhere.
P.S. LOVE your rebrand.
Make social media boring!!!! Love that. And thank you cutie!!!
Friends' stories was the only thing holding me back from deactivating Instagram a couple of months ago. The solution for me to feel okay with it was that I created a discord server and invited all my close pals, their partners and mine, my sister, really whoever I enjoyed keeping in touch with. Not everyone I invited wanted to add a new app and join, but most did! It's been amazing - a place to post updates that don't need to be immediately read and also don't disappear: pet and baby pics, memes, news, organized into different channels. Unhinged custom emojis, games, and voice channels enhance the space. Anyway, Lane, what a great read, bravo!
A discord server!! This is amazing, wow. My actual favorite app (which I vaguely mentioned in the piece) is Marco Polo for private video messages with various friend groups. It's so much more intimate than stories but it keeps me updated on their lives in real-time, which is so special. Especially when I'm traveling—it's been a game-changer. Adding your example to my running list of inventive ways people are nurturing their relationships. Thanks for reading, Jen!
Brilliant! Spectacular! Wonderful! Loved every second of this!
Thank you, Chelsea!
Social media has been deleted on my phone and it feels great. I have read so many more books recently. I'm trying to focus on less consumption more creation!! So far it's going great. I finally finished Intermezzo, which took me 4 months to read because I was so sick of Peter's train of thought haha.
CRAZY that you left social media for two months and your friend won a MILLION DOLLARS. my head is spinning on that one.
The correlation between reducing social media time and books read is crazy. I'm so glad, I missed having reading as my go-to downtime activity! Good to be back.
Also, I know re: the million dollars. Honestly crazy that none of our mutual friends even texted me about that??? Bring back gossip.
An intelligent solution to a modern problem. Thank you for writing this. I am making space for a long form project, too. X is gone, FB deactivated & deleted and so is my ig page dedicated to street photography. I am not sure i will keep my remaining IG page; you can tell because i recently deleted all but a few posts on that one. I actually don’t see the point anymore- life is for living and connecting and increasingly for me its about thinking and writing .
Exactly. When social media gets in the way of living/connecting/thinking/writing, it's gotta go. Good luck with your project!
I don’t use Instagram, I can’t be considered your friend by any stretch of the imagination, and I (too many _I_s already, aren’t there?) only got notified about this post because I’m subscribed to your blog. Did you mute _me_? This reads like another huge flirt–tease (<https://lanescottjones.substack.com/p/yes-im-flirting-with-you>).
I needed this like terrible medicine that is so, so good for me once I get past the sting. Thanks Lane 💛
I feeeeel this. If you try some version of this, I'll be very curious to hear how it goes!
I deactivated my personal IG. I'm hoping I'm about to turn a corner with the withdrawal sickness. Didn't even realize I had become addicted to the synthetic connection.
I had to take a similar step back from social media in 2021 after I started DREAMING IN INSTAGRAM STORIES. I’d wake up so overwhelmed every morning 🫠 you’ve put into words everything I felt during that time!
DREAMING IN STORIES!! Hannah, omg. That's too real.
Overwhelmed is definitely the word. My brain was LOUD. We're simply not meant to be inundated with that much information at once. I love the little snippets I've heard from you about how you renegotiated your relationship with social media (and I'd love to hear more). Glad you found some peace and quiet.
I deleted instagram in 2021 and I am so much happier because of it. but I do miss so many updates from my friends. it's hard! i love the year of longform - stealing that!
Steal away! Also, wow, 2021. I salute you. Curious: Have you found new ways to stay in touch with your friends or updated on their lives?
I wish I did! I tried to get marco polo to catch on but that ended up feeling like another little app I needed to check and respond to...I share photo dumps via text and ask for the same back but mostly I just have to be okay being out of the loop. the people who care will call me.
I love reading your posts Lane!
Thank you, Grace! This is the motivation I need to keep oversharing on the internet.
This was so wonderful and comforting and inspiring! I said that 2025 is my year of community, and your year of long form relates to that, in the way you explain. But now I think I’ll change it to “community IRL.” Thank you for this!!🩷
I love love love that you said "comforting." That means so much to me. You're right that media consumption + making/maintaining deep and meaningful connections go hand-in-hand. Cheers for your Year of Community IRL! Just followed you to stay posted on how that goes.
I love this! I’d have to look up the episode number, but in the last year Glennon did a podcast about this and had a guest on to talk about the grief and acceptance of missing things in your friends’ lives when you quit social media. It gave me so much to think about, a lot of which you touch on here.
The grief of missing things, yes! It's a strange kind of sadness but a real one nonetheless. I've been re-reading Oliver Burkeman lately to remind myself that I simply cannot do/consume it all, which means I have to make trade-offs. They can be intentional (muting, in this case) or passive (having my attention indiscriminately sucked away) but there's always a sacrifice to be made.
P.S. I miss your stories.