I just finished this show and thoroughly enjoyed your analysis. You hit the nail on the head with how you framed the urgency that life took on for Molly. I wish more people realized that life is always urgent—we never know when our time will come. Also, we would all be so lucky if only to all have a best friend like Nikki- talk about true friendship. They were women together.
And YES. I could write a whole other essay on the friendship element between the two of them! When Nikki says she won't be there for someone at the beginning of their life, but she can be there for them at the end? 😭😭😭
> I wish more people realized that life is always urgent
Sometimes you do, you try to act on that urgency and ... are defeated. This usually doesn’t make for an interesting show, except, maybe, with you as the butt-monkey (<https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ButtMonkey>).
Insidious is the word. I knew the explicit goals of purity culture, but it's taken me decades to understand all the unspoken, underlying purposes and start to untangle them.
Just started this show and its been on my radar ever since I saw your article. Just wanted to thank you for the recommendation. I'm only a few episodes in and I can already feel it working through me! I'm sure I'll have more to say later, but. just wanted you to know I appreciate you taking time to share about this show and your reflections!
I have so many thoughts! I was surprised how much the show brought up for me. I was not raised in a Puritanical way, however, I’ve had my own journey around reclaiming my body because of a trauma history of sexual violence, and I’ve also had significant medical trauma. Therefore, many elements of the show resonated with me and helped me discover and more deeply explore nuances of my own journey. Thank you again for the recommendation and sharing your thoughts!! Love reading your articles!
Thank you so much for writing this!! As someone who grew up in the same culture (who is also now learning how to listen to and trust my body/intuition/Self), this was such a moving read. You rule!!
Beka! Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too. The best part of talking about this online is connecting with others who are unlearning, reimagining, and rebuilding alongside me. ❤️🔥
I am so glad you took the time to write this essay. It really struck me this way, too!
I was truly shocked to see the bit about purity culture being a form of sexual abuse! I think it is a bit of a stretch, but that may just be my church conditioning creeping up!
My reaction to this show was so unusually strong, I HAD to write it out!
I totally hear you re: the abuse thing. I had the same reaction. She went onto say that it's treated that way by therapists because the symptoms manifest the same and the treatment is the same too. Another therapist said: “Clinically, the symptoms present the same and the treatment is the same. It’s just that the female doesn’t feel it’s warranted because she’s never been abused."
It's very complex and I know I'll probably be untangling its effects for many years to come.
Either way, it's been helpful to put some language to it, but probably even more helpful to talk it through with other friends who experienced the same thing, and to imagine what it would look like to shed that old baggage. Which is why this show was so powerful to me! It helped cast a vision for what that might look like. ✨
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too.
Phew, yes, that idea really knocked me over too. There's something so liberating about seeing another person step into their power. Apparently this means we can all do it? Wild if true!
I'm so curious to watch this. Another survivor of religious trauma including purity culture here (what a helpful term and framing). I love how you articulated how writing fulfils these powerful things for you. Writing about my life experiences and journey, I realise in reading your words, is very much the same for me. A reclamation.
I'm so glad writing does the same thing for you! You get to literally re-author your story and experiences, and it doesn't get more powerful than that. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your experience.
The whole point of powerlessness is that you don’t have a choice. If you can choose not to be powerless, you were never powerless.
> “I want to tell you that, in therapeutic circles, purity culture is now viewed as a form of sexual abuse because of the hyper-fixation on sex and the bodies of children.”
Isn’t that a blatant concession to ideology and an attack on the religious freedom of everyone who freely espouses a religion demanding purity culture? I sympathize with that idea, but isn’t it cowardly of me to do so without telling a tall, fit and tough devout man to his face, so he can beat me up? Besides, if you’re male, speaking against purity culture in a godly, high-fertility environment is an invitation to be considered a child molester and made the target of the whole community’s wrath.
I just finished this show and thoroughly enjoyed your analysis. You hit the nail on the head with how you framed the urgency that life took on for Molly. I wish more people realized that life is always urgent—we never know when our time will come. Also, we would all be so lucky if only to all have a best friend like Nikki- talk about true friendship. They were women together.
Thanks for reading, McKayla!
And YES. I could write a whole other essay on the friendship element between the two of them! When Nikki says she won't be there for someone at the beginning of their life, but she can be there for them at the end? 😭😭😭
SO good. The ending scene with the two older ladies laughing and Nikki observing them and their crass gestures made me sob. 😭
> I wish more people realized that life is always urgent
Sometimes you do, you try to act on that urgency and ... are defeated. This usually doesn’t make for an interesting show, except, maybe, with you as the butt-monkey (<https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ButtMonkey>).
The severing of your body from your knowledge is so insidious. It sets up the potential for abuses and harms of all kinds.
Insidious is the word. I knew the explicit goals of purity culture, but it's taken me decades to understand all the unspoken, underlying purposes and start to untangle them.
Just started this show and its been on my radar ever since I saw your article. Just wanted to thank you for the recommendation. I'm only a few episodes in and I can already feel it working through me! I'm sure I'll have more to say later, but. just wanted you to know I appreciate you taking time to share about this show and your reflections!
Thank you, Erin! Can't wait to hear your thoughts.
I have so many thoughts! I was surprised how much the show brought up for me. I was not raised in a Puritanical way, however, I’ve had my own journey around reclaiming my body because of a trauma history of sexual violence, and I’ve also had significant medical trauma. Therefore, many elements of the show resonated with me and helped me discover and more deeply explore nuances of my own journey. Thank you again for the recommendation and sharing your thoughts!! Love reading your articles!
Love this analysis! It never dawned on me that purity culture was about making us distrust ourselves. It makes so much sense though.
Another fantastic, amazingly insightful piece, Lane.
I loved this series so much, I watched it twice. Bang on analysis! Also inspiring to live your authentic life and fulfill every fantasy!
Thanks so much for reading and for the kind words!
Love love love this and that show and you!
THANK. YOU. FOR. THIS. I resonate profoundly! Thank you for sharing!!!
Hunter! I'm so glad it hit home. Thanks for reading!
I’m gonna write about what purity culture did to me as a man. It wasn’t good. Thanks.
It came for us all. I’d love to read a post about the experience from a man’s pov, so please write it!
Thank you so much for writing this!! As someone who grew up in the same culture (who is also now learning how to listen to and trust my body/intuition/Self), this was such a moving read. You rule!!
Beka! Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too. The best part of talking about this online is connecting with others who are unlearning, reimagining, and rebuilding alongside me. ❤️🔥
this is so BRAT 💚💚💚💚
but actually
I am so glad you took the time to write this essay. It really struck me this way, too!
I was truly shocked to see the bit about purity culture being a form of sexual abuse! I think it is a bit of a stretch, but that may just be my church conditioning creeping up!
You're amazing, Lane!
My reaction to this show was so unusually strong, I HAD to write it out!
I totally hear you re: the abuse thing. I had the same reaction. She went onto say that it's treated that way by therapists because the symptoms manifest the same and the treatment is the same too. Another therapist said: “Clinically, the symptoms present the same and the treatment is the same. It’s just that the female doesn’t feel it’s warranted because she’s never been abused."
It's very complex and I know I'll probably be untangling its effects for many years to come.
Either way, it's been helpful to put some language to it, but probably even more helpful to talk it through with other friends who experienced the same thing, and to imagine what it would look like to shed that old baggage. Which is why this show was so powerful to me! It helped cast a vision for what that might look like. ✨
Thanks for reading and sharing your experience too.
Your use of the world Sovereign is so excellent. Powerful. I will think on that word as I hold my heart, and I am holding you in my heart too.
Phew, yes, that idea really knocked me over too. There's something so liberating about seeing another person step into their power. Apparently this means we can all do it? Wild if true!
❤️
I'm so curious to watch this. Another survivor of religious trauma including purity culture here (what a helpful term and framing). I love how you articulated how writing fulfils these powerful things for you. Writing about my life experiences and journey, I realise in reading your words, is very much the same for me. A reclamation.
I'm so glad writing does the same thing for you! You get to literally re-author your story and experiences, and it doesn't get more powerful than that. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your experience.
The whole point of powerlessness is that you don’t have a choice. If you can choose not to be powerless, you were never powerless.
> “I want to tell you that, in therapeutic circles, purity culture is now viewed as a form of sexual abuse because of the hyper-fixation on sex and the bodies of children.”
Isn’t that a blatant concession to ideology and an attack on the religious freedom of everyone who freely espouses a religion demanding purity culture? I sympathize with that idea, but isn’t it cowardly of me to do so without telling a tall, fit and tough devout man to his face, so he can beat me up? Besides, if you’re male, speaking against purity culture in a godly, high-fertility environment is an invitation to be considered a child molester and made the target of the whole community’s wrath.