This hit at the absolute right moment and I so relate (as evidenced by Olivia and Sabrina Carpenter obsessions—anyone can be a teen!). I wrote an essay for the new anthology on The Bachelor fandom about queerness and what I learned from The Golden Bachelor; a main lesson was how playful your life can be as you age. Your concept of widening is so great. Love it all!
Thank you, Samantha! I'm so happy we connected, since we're writing and thinking about so many of the same topics. Your GB essay is next in my queue. <3
I love this and I love Oldster! If you haven't already, check out Sari's book, Goodbye To All That. It's a collection of essays about leaving NYC. It's very your vibe. Books Are Magic still stocks it if you want to grab it IRL the next time you're in NYC.
I think 17-year-old you and 17-year-old me would've been friends. I love the way you articulated what that moment in time feels like -- it felt the exact same way to me, too, and in my heart, I'm still 17 even though a decade has passed since then. I've also been a little freaked out about the passage of time after my early twenties were spent on trying to make something of myself and keeping up with the hustle rather than living in any sort of wholehearted way; this encouraged me.
Sounds like they would have been BFFs in fact. Yes, that buzzy, infinite feeling of teenage girlhood is intoxicating! I've been chasing it ever sense! I lost it for a minute there in my twenties but it's back and better than ever. Sounds like you're on the same track. Keep me posted!
I'm really glad this popped up in my feed today! The concept of "queer time" is something I've always kind of felt, but never heard anyone talk about. I love the concept of a life that "expands outward" instead of getting smaller as we age.
It also makes me think of a dear friend of mine from my old roller derby team – who started dating women (again) and joined roller derby in her 50's. She'd always wanted to play derby, so she learned how to skate at 52! Honestly, I look up to her so much – I hope that someday I will be able to inspire other younger queer folks, the way that she has inspired me.
So glad "queer time" helped put words to that feeling. It was such an expansive idea for me when I stumbled across it. And having examples of people, especially older women, who are embracing it is honestly even better. I'm so happy you have that, and I expect you're probably that for someone else. <3
I love this. I was reading an interview with Emily Henry recently, where she said that coming of age can really happen in any age. It's not just restricted to teenagers. I feel that I've experienced that in my novel as well, because it features two women who both come of age in their own unique ways. One of the characters is a 46-year-old investment banker who's married with two kids and has done all the "right" things, but never really lived. And when she discovers that her husband is having an affair, it actually gives her permission to start doing what she actually wants to do. She starts dating a porn star and does ecstasy for the first time, and it's been so much fun experiencing these moments with her!
I love the idea of “experiencing these moments with her.” 🥹 Writing is a way to reintroduce that sense of infinite possibility! Also teen-coded. Because the key to a great novel is that we expect to see characters change.
I turn 40 soon and know every word to Olivia Rodrigo. I’ve never really understood why I feel her songs so much, I just do! I feel like a proud older sister watching her be this powerful, talented young woman. I also came out as queer later, in my early thirties, so high five to that!
The part about mourning lost time and going through basically teenagedom again when first dating as a queer person - same here. Based on my borderline-meaninglessly small sample size of my personal experience and your personal experience, this happens to all queer people of all genders, and it should be talked about more!
In good company! I’d heard people talk about aspects of that but it didn’t really click until I experienced it myself. It was the grief that really surprised me, but only because it felt SO GOOD to be living in the fullness of my identity and I just really wished my younger self could have experienced that.
Yes ma'am! I just went to an Ani DiFranco concert on May 1, and her music brings me back to that time when even just going outdoors at night felt dangerous and transgressive. Girls are so powerful at that age, and most of us have NO idea that power is there or how to use it.
Thank you for writing this. I deconstructed my faith, got divorced, and came out as a late bloomer too. Your words lift some of the exhaustion of the journey and remind me it is a triumph to begin again. ✨
Ahh, Anna! This comment made my day. I deeply relate to that feeling of exhaustion and feeling behind. But just beyond is alllll the excitement, giddiness, possibility, pleasure, and self-knowledge—the best things. I'm vv excited for us both. 💋
This hit at the absolute right moment and I so relate (as evidenced by Olivia and Sabrina Carpenter obsessions—anyone can be a teen!). I wrote an essay for the new anthology on The Bachelor fandom about queerness and what I learned from The Golden Bachelor; a main lesson was how playful your life can be as you age. Your concept of widening is so great. Love it all!
Thank you, Samantha! I'm so happy we connected, since we're writing and thinking about so many of the same topics. Your GB essay is next in my queue. <3
I love this and I love Oldster! If you haven't already, check out Sari's book, Goodbye To All That. It's a collection of essays about leaving NYC. It's very your vibe. Books Are Magic still stocks it if you want to grab it IRL the next time you're in NYC.
Love that collection! And I cannot WAIT for the Oldster book she just announced.
I think 17-year-old you and 17-year-old me would've been friends. I love the way you articulated what that moment in time feels like -- it felt the exact same way to me, too, and in my heart, I'm still 17 even though a decade has passed since then. I've also been a little freaked out about the passage of time after my early twenties were spent on trying to make something of myself and keeping up with the hustle rather than living in any sort of wholehearted way; this encouraged me.
Sounds like they would have been BFFs in fact. Yes, that buzzy, infinite feeling of teenage girlhood is intoxicating! I've been chasing it ever sense! I lost it for a minute there in my twenties but it's back and better than ever. Sounds like you're on the same track. Keep me posted!
I'm really glad this popped up in my feed today! The concept of "queer time" is something I've always kind of felt, but never heard anyone talk about. I love the concept of a life that "expands outward" instead of getting smaller as we age.
It also makes me think of a dear friend of mine from my old roller derby team – who started dating women (again) and joined roller derby in her 50's. She'd always wanted to play derby, so she learned how to skate at 52! Honestly, I look up to her so much – I hope that someday I will be able to inspire other younger queer folks, the way that she has inspired me.
Anyways, thanks for sharing your experience!
Um, your friend is now my personal hero. 🛼
So glad "queer time" helped put words to that feeling. It was such an expansive idea for me when I stumbled across it. And having examples of people, especially older women, who are embracing it is honestly even better. I'm so happy you have that, and I expect you're probably that for someone else. <3
I love this. I was reading an interview with Emily Henry recently, where she said that coming of age can really happen in any age. It's not just restricted to teenagers. I feel that I've experienced that in my novel as well, because it features two women who both come of age in their own unique ways. One of the characters is a 46-year-old investment banker who's married with two kids and has done all the "right" things, but never really lived. And when she discovers that her husband is having an affair, it actually gives her permission to start doing what she actually wants to do. She starts dating a porn star and does ecstasy for the first time, and it's been so much fun experiencing these moments with her!
I love the idea of “experiencing these moments with her.” 🥹 Writing is a way to reintroduce that sense of infinite possibility! Also teen-coded. Because the key to a great novel is that we expect to see characters change.
I turn 40 soon and know every word to Olivia Rodrigo. I’ve never really understood why I feel her songs so much, I just do! I feel like a proud older sister watching her be this powerful, talented young woman. I also came out as queer later, in my early thirties, so high five to that!
High five indeed! The Venn Diagram overlap of late-in-life queerness and Olivia Rodrigo fandom deserves further study…
The part about mourning lost time and going through basically teenagedom again when first dating as a queer person - same here. Based on my borderline-meaninglessly small sample size of my personal experience and your personal experience, this happens to all queer people of all genders, and it should be talked about more!
In good company! I’d heard people talk about aspects of that but it didn’t really click until I experienced it myself. It was the grief that really surprised me, but only because it felt SO GOOD to be living in the fullness of my identity and I just really wished my younger self could have experienced that.
Yes ma'am! I just went to an Ani DiFranco concert on May 1, and her music brings me back to that time when even just going outdoors at night felt dangerous and transgressive. Girls are so powerful at that age, and most of us have NO idea that power is there or how to use it.
Hell yeah 🤘
What was the quote in your yearbook?
This is the kind of information I’ll only reveal behind a paywall
I'm also dying to know!!!
Thank you for writing this. I deconstructed my faith, got divorced, and came out as a late bloomer too. Your words lift some of the exhaustion of the journey and remind me it is a triumph to begin again. ✨
Ahh, Anna! This comment made my day. I deeply relate to that feeling of exhaustion and feeling behind. But just beyond is alllll the excitement, giddiness, possibility, pleasure, and self-knowledge—the best things. I'm vv excited for us both. 💋